Saturday, February 5, 2011
I was pondering my romantic situation in life today and I had a shocking realization. Every one of my relationships has begun with me hating (or at least disliking) the guy I ended up with. Huh, I thought. That's kind of odd. I mean NEVER have I had a love at first sight or a guy friend who ended up as more. NEVER. Doesn't that strike you as a little bit odd? It does to me.
Now, it seriously is like odd to me when a guy is nice to me. I'm not sure how to react to it. It puts me off a bit, like how a normal girl would react to a guy being a tosser to her. That just isn't right. I should be EMBRACING those kind, charming men, not shunning them like the plague! But alas, I do not. It's like I subconsciously believe that I cannot love a man unless I first hate him.
This is obviously a very serious matter. I know it might sound petty and ridiculous to you, but it really is a dire, pressing issue, on par with natural disasters and national security threats. For this reason, I have taken it upon myself to do a thorough analysis of myself to determine my malady. And after diligent examination, I have diagnosed myself with Pride and Prejudice syndrome.
What is that, Skylar? Keep your pants on, I'm about to tell you. It is when you unwittingly prevent yourself from liking and/or loving a kind, congenial man because you believe that you must first hate whatever man you end up loving. People with P&P Syndrome believe that every love scenario for them must begin as Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's did. They also have an unreasonably unquenchable chocolate craving...well, that might just be me.
As you can see, this disorder is no laughing matter. And the antidote or remedy or whatever you want to call it must be found soon. So far I have tried consuming massive amounts of chocolate and other delicious treats. But for some reason that is just resulting in my waistline expanding...odd, I know. I have also tried getting a facial and other spa treatments, but that just resulted in me feeling wonderfully relaxed and pampered...but still rejecting kind men.
So from what I can tell, the only remedy I can think of is to actually FIND my Mr. Darcy and live happily ever after with him. That would solve the problem of rejecting kind men because I'd be rejecting ALL other men because I'd be taken (and living in an amazing chateau with a wealthy, dashing Englishman, hopefully).
As you can see, I probably won't be cured for quite some time. So, kind, charming men, allow me to apologize in advance for not returning any feelings of affection that you might send my way. I know it doesn't make much sense, and I'm sorry.
Mr. Darcy, I will be waiting.