INCONCEIVABLE!!

There is something truly awful occurring in the fashion world right now. I really cannot find the words to convey how atrocious and grave this situation is, so I will just show you this:

Sergio Rossi

Are you still there? Phew, ok good. You managed to survive the hideous image that I so cruelly subjected your retinas to.

Let me just get one thing straight, though. I love wedges (WEDGES, not WEDGIES. Don't try any funny business). Wedges and I are like Bonnie and Clyde, Sonny and Cher, my skin and shady places. You get the point. We love each other.

But recently....my beloved wedges have taken a tragic turn for the worse...TO THE 90's (dun dun DUNNNN). Yes, to the abysmal black hole of fashion that was the decade of my youth. Seriously, NOTHING good came out of the 90's (besides me). I mean fashion wise, at least.

I guess technically they are a 70's platform throwback, which goes right along with Spring's HUGE 70's comeback. But they are still definitely showing some 90's influence as well. And on the list of horrific fashion styles of the 90's AND 70's, you will find platform wedges like these:

70's wooden wedges

Sorry, Spice Girlies. You know I love you...but the shoes were terrible. You and I both know that.

I'm not going to act like I didn't own like 10 pairs of these bad boys throughout my childhood. I thought they were totally boss--plus they made me taller, which was always a plus with me. Oh how lost I was...Sad. But I have grown and evolved and disillusioned myself.

There is absolutely nothing appealing about this style of shoe. I'm sorry. That is not flattering on anyone. You either look like a clown or someone who has devised a creative way to drown themselves stylishly instead of using cinder blocks.

Now, I'm never one to tell people what they should and shouldn't wear. But I will say that a pair of shoes like this will never...ever come near my tootsies unless I somehow teleport back to the 90's. And even then, I would just try to prevent this whole fad from ever even happening.

There ARE good wedges still out there, folks. Don't lose hope. You just need to be able to tell the difference between something truly hideous like these:

And something sexy and fantasical like these:

One more example. 70's grandma:

BAMF sex pot:

End of class.